Walking Away from Grief

It is an interesting experience to look around at who travels this road with me. Many people are here because of a life event that is a source of trauma or loss and others simply becuase it is a life time goal to do this kind of journey. For me I have realized that each step takes me farther from the knee buckling feeling of loss and despair since Chris died almost 2 years ago, farther from the feeling that he is still around in a spiritual presence sence and more like I am walking towards a future that becomes defined as I comtemplate and listen to my own breathing in the sound of the wind and the birds as they awaken in the early morning. I have the feeling the most people are here because of grief over a loss, could be a death of someone close to them, could be a job they loved and could be recovery from a life threatning illness. Whatever it is, there is a compelling feeling that the process of day after day of simply walking is a therapy like no other.
Today I picked up a stone from one of the many cairns that we pass each day. The idea is that each person ought to pick up such a stone and carry it for a day and leave it at the next cairn, thus transporting the stones to Santiago. Today the stone I carried was a symbol of all of those things that I am grateful for from the life that I had with Chris before he died. It made me realize how many moments there were and memories that were full of laughter and surprise and most of all adventure. With the ending of the afternoon, there were little blue butterlfies all around me as if this was a sign of acknowledgement to me from him. I decided that by the end of the day that I would summarize these memories into 3 basic things that I am most grateful to him for and with that I deposted the stone that I had carried at the cross just outside the place we are staying tonight.
This alberque I had heard about and it is as they say, like an oasis in the desert. through old old wooden doors you enter a most beautiful garden with wonderful flowers and a swimming pool. You are greeted by a wonderful host who leads you to a place to sleep for the night and tells you to rest and get settled and then come and pay him. Boy our hotels could learn something from this approach. There are many people here and it is really a bit crowded, but the atmosphere is very international and many people talking and sharing their stories together in many languages.
We sleep in a loft, having to climb a ladder above the 14 bunks that are in the dorm below, This arrangement would never pass the safety standards at home and we are certain to not want to use the toilet during the night. We sleep on single beds and must walk along plank floors hanging onto a kind of rope affair at the edge of the loft. It is like nothing I have seen before.
It is much colder than I anticipated and this morning it was maybe about 5C or less so the fleece hat and gloves were handy. I do not think I have enough warm clothes for the next few weeks and may have to buy somethng somewhere. I had anticipated much warmer weather. We hear that there is snow prediceted for the Pyrenees this evening! Imagine!
We are walking through the most wonderful scenery now and the rolling hills and the farm lands are so beautiful against the cloud filled sky. the sun is warm in the afternoon and so the days are very pleasant once the sun comes to provide some warmth.
Tomorrow we will be walking through the very flat area of the meseta and this is said to be the most boring, although I have not been at all bored with this walking yet. Each day provides something no matter what the atmosphere and so I look forward to having the surprise be in the present, cherishing my good health and my fitness that seems to improve with each day.
How blessed I am!!
Maggee